I haven't written a blog in three months because, well, the last three months have been intense.
Michael and I finished our fifth session of pre-marital counseling tonight. It will be the last time we meet with our mentor couple till we get back from the honeymoon (we still have three sessions left, our church takes marriage counseling pretty seriously!). Our sessions have covered everthing from conflict, sex, money, in-laws, communication and our pasts. The good news is, we are still together and the wedding is still on! :) It's been difficult at times but I HIGHLY recommend it.
I've found in this season a new dependence on the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I love Michael and I cannot wait to marry him, but marriage is scary. I'm 34 and I've lived a long time on my own. I have sin embedded in my heart so deep I'm not even aware of it. I'm going to make a covenant with someone who is equally as sinful. It's this unknown step in faith. But our reassurance is that we are both walking with the Lord. We both have the Holy Spirit refining us, teaching us.
In times of doubt and insecurity, I've found myself looking to Michael for reassurance, but I've felt the Lord speaking to me in those times, saying "Trust me. I love you more than anyone else. I'm the one who will always be there." As much as Michael loves me, he can never minister to the broken places in my soul like God can.
This has been a season of learning about God's plan for marriage and His heart behind it. It is an amazing, mysterious thing, two people becoming one, reflecting Jesus and the Church. God has already been using it to show me my own selfishness, my need for approval, my need to be right, my need to be in control. Sometimes I think I can't do it, it sounds too hard. Too many people get divorced or just end up miserable. But I know fear is not from God. It is in those times that I cry out to Him and pray, "I cannot do it on my own. But I know you can."
I was looking at a photo of us tonight, all smiling and happy and optimistic. I want to look back at that picture 10 years from now and be able to say, "it just kept getting better." I want to make Michael's life happy. I want us to have a good life together. I am thankful for a Savior who makes all things new, who can put broken lives back together, who is faithful to walk with us each step of the way.
Michael and I finished our fifth session of pre-marital counseling tonight. It will be the last time we meet with our mentor couple till we get back from the honeymoon (we still have three sessions left, our church takes marriage counseling pretty seriously!). Our sessions have covered everthing from conflict, sex, money, in-laws, communication and our pasts. The good news is, we are still together and the wedding is still on! :) It's been difficult at times but I HIGHLY recommend it.
I've found in this season a new dependence on the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I love Michael and I cannot wait to marry him, but marriage is scary. I'm 34 and I've lived a long time on my own. I have sin embedded in my heart so deep I'm not even aware of it. I'm going to make a covenant with someone who is equally as sinful. It's this unknown step in faith. But our reassurance is that we are both walking with the Lord. We both have the Holy Spirit refining us, teaching us.
In times of doubt and insecurity, I've found myself looking to Michael for reassurance, but I've felt the Lord speaking to me in those times, saying "Trust me. I love you more than anyone else. I'm the one who will always be there." As much as Michael loves me, he can never minister to the broken places in my soul like God can.
This has been a season of learning about God's plan for marriage and His heart behind it. It is an amazing, mysterious thing, two people becoming one, reflecting Jesus and the Church. God has already been using it to show me my own selfishness, my need for approval, my need to be right, my need to be in control. Sometimes I think I can't do it, it sounds too hard. Too many people get divorced or just end up miserable. But I know fear is not from God. It is in those times that I cry out to Him and pray, "I cannot do it on my own. But I know you can."
I was looking at a photo of us tonight, all smiling and happy and optimistic. I want to look back at that picture 10 years from now and be able to say, "it just kept getting better." I want to make Michael's life happy. I want us to have a good life together. I am thankful for a Savior who makes all things new, who can put broken lives back together, who is faithful to walk with us each step of the way.
